


Fifty Shades of Cheese

by SoulPhrase



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: A lot of crack, Cheese fetish, Crack, F/M, I'm sorry in advance if you read this, Varying quality between chapters depending on how much I'm into an idea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-05 04:29:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulPhrase/pseuds/SoulPhrase
Summary: Collection of crack one-shots where Dimitri has a fetish for cheese. What began as a joke is now born out of my hubris. Expect memes, dicks and a lot of cheese.





	Fifty Shades of Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter can also be aptly represented as 'dimitri deep-throats a mozzarella stick'

“I did not hit her it’s not true it’s bullshit.”

Standing on his open rooftop is a redheaded man with his shirt open. He throws his water bottle to the ground with a violent thud.

“I did not hit her! I did not,” the man repeats. He gestures to someone off-screen before the camera zooms in on his sweaty, glistening pecs.

“Oh hi Miklan.”

. . .

“…This movie is terrible.”

Dimitri sighs, averting his eyes from the screen.

He’d expected as much, given Sylvain’s lack of acting talent. But he’d wanted to support his friend’s work while having something to watch with Byleth. A terrible decision, considering this is their _first_ date, but she seems to be handling it quite well. They’ve been friends for some time, but he still wants to make a good impression.

“It is. At least it’s funny to watch, though.” Byleth mutters, eyes trained on the drama unfolding in front of her. She shovels a fistful of popcorn into her waiting mouth.

“The lines get really cheesy.”

_Oh, fuck._

Dimitri bites his lip, eyelashes fluttering as he suppresses a groan. Fortunately she seems oblivious to his rampant horniness at the mere mention of cheese, and his forbidden infatuations remain secret a little while longer.

“Right,” he manages to sputter out.

He eyes their snacks on the nearby table. Popcorn, candy—the usual movie fare. Beside them all lay the greatest of temptations: mozzarella sticks that Byleth had personally brought. Not only were they filled entirely with that perfectly warm, gooey cheese, but the exterior is crusted with parmesan as well. He’d love to rip one open and shove his dick inside of it, but he surely wouldn’t fit. Byleth is also there, and probably would not approve.

Accursed, cheesy _vixens_.

Dimitri folds his hands over his lap to hide his emerging erection. Byleth reaches for the remote and pauses the film, oblivious to his sins.

“Which way’s the bathroom, again?” She makes a move to leave and Dimitri is all too eager to oblige.

“Down the hall and to your right. Take your time!”

Byleth departs with a nod and follows his instructions. As soon as she leaves his sight, Dimitri feels sweat drip down his chiseled, cheese-like eyebrows.

Now’s his chance.

He snatches a mozzarella stick from the snack table and drags it underneath his nose. Inhaling deeply, his nostrils pick up everything from the cheesy crust: cheese, breadcrumbs… _more_ cheese. _Goddess_… he nearly cums on the spot.

Dimitri traces his lips over the tantalizing exterior, pressing a shaky kiss to the delectable snack. Then a hesitant, tender lick to its tip. His eyes are fixated on the hallway for Byleth’s inevitable arrival. He’d have to be quick, lest he get caught in such a depraved act.

He sucks the mozzarella stick into his wanting mouth with a moan. It’s still fresh and warm, tempting Dimitri to squeeze the other end of the stick to make it pulse and thicken on his tongue. A teaser of the thick, sloppy cheese concealed within. The thought has his cock straining tight against his pants.

Desperately, Dimitri slides the food in and out along his tongue. He gags when it hits against the back of his throat with satisfying thrusts. His eyelids drift shut and he feels tears form at their edges, enraptured in the carnal bliss of shoving cheese into his orifice. He forces it in harder, faster, chasing release with urgency.

And finally, it comes.

The crust breaks open and mozzarella releases in his throat with a hot and sticky burst. The cheese glops down his throat and Dimitri whimpers from the sheer bliss. His euphoria is short-lived since that shit is thicc and still scalding, making him choke. Byleth is also now there, and definitely does not approve.

Reluctant, Dimitri is forced to cough up his prize so he doesn’t die. A shame, since choking on cheese is pretty sexy in its own way too.


End file.
